365 Squarey Monsters: A Few Words About Grief

Please Click Here to Manage Your Preferences or Unsubscribe

We've all been there. You get word that someone you care about is grieving. You want to ease their pain or at least let them know you're thinking of them. But, too often, we hold back, afraid of saying the wrong thing or coming across as intrusive.

In those moments, the right words rarely come easily. That hesitation is understandable: Grief is one of the most difficult emotions to confront. Still, silence can make someone feel even more alone, no matter how physically close you are.

Over the years, friends and colleagues have asked me what to say or do when someone is mourning. My advice is always the same: Keep it simple. A kind word or a brief expression of condolence can go a long way toward letting them know you're there for them.

You don't need to find the perfect words. In fact, there might not be any. But showing empathy, humility, and care is enough. Even if the person who is grieving doesn't respond right away, your gesture will be felt.

What not to say — and why it matters

There may be no perfect words in this situation, but some are better than others. Certain phrases, though well-meaning, can land the wrong way. Expressions like "Everything happens for a reason" or "They're in a better place" may sound reassuring on the surface, but to someone deep in sorrow, they can feel dismissive or minimizing.

As hospital chaplain Rev. Christine V. Davies explains in a recent article on Harry & David's The Table:

"It's a compassionate instinct, but one that falls short because in this situation, there is nothing we can do or say that will lessen the impact of their grief."

Dr. Terri Daniel, a hospice educator, added that any comment that tries to minimize pain can sometimes do more harm than good.

Sentences that begin with "At least," such as "At least you had time together" or "At least they're not suffering," can unintentionally suggest that the person should be feeling grateful, rather than heartbroken. And comparisons like "When my father passed…" can make someone feel as if their grief is being measured or corrected.

Put simply, grief needs to be acknowledged, not fixed. Every loss is shaped by the unique nature of the relationship behind it. That's why unsolicited advice like "You should go to therapy" or "Just try to stay busy" can backfire, even if it's meant with love.

Simple gestures that bring comfort

Stumbling over our words is part of being human. But what matters most isn't getting it exactly right but rather being present and sincere. Social worker Sarah Rollins, for instance, encourages honesty and simplicity:

"You can just say, 'There are no words for how hard this is, and I'm so sorry. I'm here for you.'"

She also reminds us that practical help can go a long way. Grief often makes even the smallest decisions feel overwhelming. Offering to take care of a daily task, like dropping off a meal or helping with errands, can ease that burden more than you might realize.

And it's important to remember that grief doesn't end with the funeral. In many ways, the hardest days come after everyone else returns to their routines. Anniversaries, birthdays, the holidays, even an ordinary Tuesday, can bring that heartache flooding back.

James, a member of the Celebrations Pulse community, told me he's always mindful of the anniversary of his father's death. That's why he keeps track of when his friends' parents passed away, and on those anniversaries, he sends a simple note that says, "I'm thinking of you." He adds:

"I can't tell you how many of them respond by saying, 'You're the only one who remembers,' or, 'You always remember.' That's because I know how it feels."

The smallest acts of kindness often leave the deepest imprint. We may not always know what to say, but when we lead with empathy, we can never go wrong.

All the best,

Jim

What if golf weren't just a game, but the ultimate business playground?

In this week's Celebrate Your Story podcast, I sit down with Pat Healy, a Columbia University graduate who recently made the leap into professional golf. Joining me for the conversation is my colleague, MiChaela Barker.

Together, we explore the surprising parallels between golf and music, the role of metrics in mastering performance, and how social media can foster connection. Pat also shares his journey from college to the pro circuit, including what it takes to succeed, and how tools like AI can accelerate both personal growth and career strategy.

Whether you're passionate about golf, business, relationships, or building your personal brand, this episode will inspire you to rethink what success looks like on and off the course.

Let me know your thoughts on this week's episode at podcasts@celebrations.com.

A scientific reason to have friends

A new study adds weight to something I've always felt to be true: Deep, lasting relationships can help us live longer — and better.

Researchers at Cornell University found that people with strong social connections across their lifespan showed slower biological aging and lower inflammation at the cellular level. Using "epigenetic clocks," the team discovered that a rich network of support — family, friends, community — can help our bodies stay younger, not just our spirits.

In other words, the more we invest in each other, the more we all benefit physically, emotionally, and even biologically.

A sweet tradition from the Midwest

Next Saturday, Oct. 18, is Sweetest Day, a tradition born in the Midwest more than a century ago. It started in 1922, when a group of Cleveland candy makers delivered boxes of chocolates to orphans, hospital patients, and others who could use a little extra joy.

Since then, Sweetest Day has remained a happy regional occasion that's rooted in small gestures, neighborly kindness, and reminders that love doesn't have to be loud to be lasting. As I mentioned last week, it's a tradition that needs to expand to the rest of the country.

Here are a few descriptions shared by Celebrations Pulse readers in the Midwest:

"My mom always said Sweetest Day was 'Valentine's Day without the pressure.' It was her excuse to bake extra and drop off surprise treats for our teachers, neighbors, even the mailman." — Janet

"I grew up thinking everyone celebrated Sweetest Day. I didn't realize it was regional until I moved out West. Now I make a point to send cards to my nieces so the tradition doesn't end with me." — Chris

"Every Sweetest Day, my dad gave each of us kids a candy bar and a note. It wasn't fancy, but it meant the world. I still do the same for my own kids, even though they're teenagers now." — Danielle

Sweetest Day may not be as widely known as other holidays, but perhaps that's what makes it so special — it's about thoughtfulness for its own sake. And maybe, just maybe, it's time the rest of the country joined in.

Share your Halloween stories

Oct. 31 is right around the corner, and that means it's almost time for costumes, candy, and a whole lot of spooky fun.

Halloween brings out the playful spirit in everyone. Whether you're decorating your yard with skeletons, carving pumpkins with your kids, handing out treats, or still recovering from a haunted house, this holiday is packed with laughter, surprises, and rituals that stick with us for years.

This year, I'd love to feature some of your favorite Halloween memories in a special Halloween edition of Celebrations Pulse. Do you have a funny trick-or-treat moment? A costume you'll never forget — good or bad? A spooky (but sweet) tradition that brings your family together?

Send in your story for a chance to be featured in an upcoming letter and I'll randomly select five submissions to receive a gift basket of Halloween treats from our family of brands.

Sunday, October 12, 2025

A Few Words About Grief

No comments:

Post a Comment